I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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