I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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