she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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