We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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