Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
