Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
