Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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