i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
