youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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