my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
