??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
