she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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