Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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