Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
