Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
