O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
