We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
