i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
