tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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