I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
