I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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