sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
