after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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