Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
