did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
