I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
