It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
