mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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