that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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