AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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