I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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