Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
