i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
