I cockslap morals
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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