ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
