Cold hands, warm shart.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
