She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
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My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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