So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
