I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
