Kiss
Puke
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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