it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
