Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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