Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
handjob tips. give me some.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
