whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
