I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
