I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
