The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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