Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning