i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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