so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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