Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
