So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
