I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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