I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Alive.
So much puke
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i think my cat just said my name.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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