He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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