there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
