I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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