Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
