So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
