i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize