My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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