A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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