I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
