I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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