My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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