my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
