I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
