last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
