she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
