I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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