we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
