...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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