There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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