How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
