3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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