Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
