my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
